Co-Dependancy

We have a epidemic in this country. Women with low self esteem hounding there partner due to there own insecurities. Not letting a man take a leadership role in the relationship then wondering why he wont step up and handle business. On the other end of that they will let the men run over them due to the fact they don’t think they deserve better. They let men beat on them call them names cheat on them lie to them and do anything else you can think of just to be with some one. My favorite quote though I don’t know who said it but its very true “Cant love anyone else til you love yourself.”The reason I find this sooo true is because first of all if some one knows that you don’t even like yourself what reason do they have to like you. I mean you spend the most time with you and you cant find one reason that your like able any intelligent perspective partner will see that as a reason not to persue a future with you.

       So what excactly is co-dependancy you ask? The first meaning for Co dependence in the dictionary is “of pertaining to a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted as to alcohol or gambling and the other person is psychologically dependant on the first in an unhealthy way.” Now an example of this is a man who completely treats his woman with disregard doesn’t help her doesn’t care for her doesn’t by definition love her but with leave and come back because he is addicted like a drug addict feels he will die if not with her but wont change his ill behavior. Now the woman in this situation stays and excepts him back why? Anyones guess is as good as hers she repeatedly gives him chance after chance after chance just so he can keep doing the same thing. Now he doesn’t make her happy in any way does nothing good for you only hurts her herlife and the people around her she falls into a deep depression wondering why if she is sooooo good to him does he keep doing this to her. Her friends try to help she repeatedly reaches out to people to leave then when the time comes for her to do so she changes her mind. She lets him chase away her friends and in turn ends up chasing away all friends and family herself either from neglecting her other relationships or by simply defending the one she is in and stating they don’t understand and that she loves him and they are just jealous.

       Now most of us have either known someone in this situation, been in this situation, or are currently in this situation. If you are currently in this situation I urge you to get out. It will only get worse. This is a never ending cycle that is destined to fail. If you have been in this situation in the past. I commend you for taking the first step and leaving. Next look online or in the paper find a support group for people that have been abuse, go to counciling, and/or find a support group in person or online for people grieving the loss of a relationship make sure you never get stuck in that situation again. Now if you are the friend of that person im sorry to inform you but there is nothing you can do short of tying them up putting them in your trunk and keeping them hostage forever because as soon as you let them go they are going to be right back with that person. This is a addiction and you should treat it as such. This person cannot be helped unless they want to be helped and they have to annitiate it themselves.

       Now I met your asking yourself as I have asked myself in the age of building a childs self esteem why are so many of these children growing up to be such poor adults. Now what I think is coddling your child does not build self esteem it builds Fo self esteem. Because as soon as they find out they are not the wonder child there parents and teachers told them they were they are going to crash and burn in life. What we need to teach are children is how to survive. Everyone fails and succeeds at one time or another. We have to do what makes us happy. Work for the betterment of the world as a hole and try not to hurt others. Teach your children about relationships. Even if your relationship isn’t the best teach them whats awrong with yours so they don’t make the same mistakes. Don’t act like they shouldn’t know what a relationship is or once they hit 18 they are instantly going to be in a beautilful marriage that’s dillusional. Your child will grow up. Your child will date. Your child will get their heart broken and break others. This will happen. Make sure they are ready for that. Another problem is The statement “we are staying together for the kids”. That sounds dumb. Why so you can show your kids that its ok to be emotionally abused and mistreated. That its ok to be in a unhealthy relationship. NOOOOOO STOP the foolishness.

       Now to my generation I know our parents didn’t teach us diddly squat about relationships. I know most of us come from broken homes or no home or one parent or no parents or what have you. I say its time to rise above. Learn from your parents mistakes. We are doing the same thing or worse to our children stop. Don’t blame this on your parents. Do you really want to be like them? Is it really an excuse to say that’s what my parents did? If your saying that it suggests that you know what they did was wrong.